I Want More

why do you keep knocking on my mental door?

leave me alone

and let me go

i want to know

what is life like without you?

i asked to be purged

from you and your friends

get out of my system

i want more and you can’t seem

to help me

you serve no purpose in my life

other than to hold me back

let me go

let me breathe

let me free

-breaking up with fear – Dominique Sade

***

I imagine myself waking up and starting my day with my music, meditation, tea, writing, workout and yoga (not in any stringent order but you get the point!). Then I’d go off to instruct my yoga or fitness class.  I imagine myself making a difference and helping others towards a healthier path: mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.  I have a plethora of projects and workshop ideas for my community.  And for those who know me, I still want to design, and I will.  I want to live in a creative space, creatively creating lol.  In all seriousness, I don’t want to feel compelled to stay at my corporate job because of everyone else’s views on keeping a job.  I know a “good job” is hard to come by, however, should I let it stop me from taking that leap of faith?  How will I ever know how high I can fly if I’m trapped in this figurative cage of social constraints?  Bills, marriage, kids, health care, family, relationship, normalcy: the labels of the bars that, although some are what I want (or think I want) in my future, are holding me back from reaching my greatest potential.  Or, could I be overthinking?  I was told, “Have patience” (…working on that), or “Have faith and everything will fall into place.”   But, what is faith without work?  At the same time, I don’t know how long I can stay physically locked up.  I am beginning to change the way I think.  I know the universe is listening.  Once I put my mind to something; once I see it and believe it, it already belongs to me. Once I change or (how I like to put it) grow, I wonder if I would lose the ones I love along the way…

6:45 a.m. – Morning Ritual

It is vital for me to keep up with my morning ritual:

Lukewarm alkaline water

Loose tea

Bowl of fresh fruit

Incense or sage

Music

Prayer

Write

Meditate

Yoga

Setting my intentions

Being present

Being grateful

My morning ritual helps set my moon for the day.  I wake up 1.5 to 2 hours before the time needed to get ready for work.  I enjoy this moment with myself and with the Most High every day.  I may not be able to control what occurs outside of me, but I most definitely can control my emotions.

 

Do you have a morning routine? Share below.

Goddess of Expression

As long as we are still on this Earth, we owe it to ourselves and those who are no longer with us to be GREAT! We owe it to our communities to be financially supportive. We owe it to ourselves and our ancestors to go back to our African spirituality. Yes, we are magical and they fear us. Our spirituality is so powerful even some of us fear to read into it.

What is happening and has been happening to us for years is heartbreaking and depressing. However, I’m using this to push myself even harder. My success in all areas in my life will make a difference.

We all are in this war together and we all have unique strengths to fight it together. I truly believe in us. Believing is what keeps me going. Believing is what keeps my spirit alive. Believing is what makes me think of solutions to beat these savages. Believing is what makes me love us more every single day. Believing is what keeps me sane.

Wrap It up

Hey beautiful Souls – It’s been awhile!  A lot has been going on in my life.  I needed some time to gather my thoughts and recharge (I will definitely write a separate “update” post). In the meantime, I wanted to share some photos from a photo shoot.  These images have been sitting in my computer since April!  Not cool Dom!

Photographer – Abe Eku │Dress – H&M│Jacket – Thrifted│Sneakers – Cole Haan│Headwrap – Street Vendor in Harlem

Destined

Was it fate? I feel as if I was destined to share time and space with an amazing group of talented individuals. What a magnificent gift the universe presented me with this past weekend! Blissfulness and peace combined in what was a bountiful spiritual experience.  August 8, 2015: The addition to the archives of my soul’s greatest memories.

I always wanted to model, yet I gave up years ago after facing many closed doors. Clearly, I was not built tough or strong enough to deal with the “no’s.” Not really obsessed with the idea, but excited about the thought, I decided to submit my photos to an artist, by the name of Young Paris, after seeing his “model search” post on Facebook.  Believe me, I was already mentally prepared for the “no.” However, I never thought about being unprepared for the “yes”.

When I received the message, “are you available on August 8th?”, I had to read it twice before I became ecstatic!  “Yes. I’m available!” I shouted. I realized, in that split second that no one could hear me.  Then all of the negative thoughts commenced and began doing circles in my mental.  They ranged from: Am I good enough? Was this a mistake? Suppose I mess up and waste his time? Talk about self-inflicted mental abuse!  It took me a while before I responded. I just was really not prepared for the “yes”. Subsequently, I remembered why I even started this blog – to encourage, to motivate, and to remind other over-thinking individuals (like myself) to let go and let God and just live!  After that self-reminder of my new life anthem, I responded to his request. It was not until the day of the video shoot that I realized that this experience will be more than just playing a role.  I realized that, on that day, the universe was going to bless me with a spiritual reward: not necessarily tangible, but definitely attainable.

Surrounded by God’s work, listening to nature’s language and working with a talented cast had me in awe. I found it so beautiful to witness Young Paris involving his family into his vision. Being around an artist, a musician and creative director, dancers, a videographer, designers, and make-up artists, had my creative juices flowing! I wanted to sketch, dance, practice yoga and meditate.  The feeling was so overwhelming.  There were sporadic moments where I spoke to God.  I expressed my gratitude for being present in that very moment. When the shoot was over, sage was lit and thanks were given to the Highest Power. We headed to Young Paris’ mother’s house. His mother cooked an amazing dinner and the cast was entertained by Young Paris and his family. They commenced to play the African drums. *Silent break*. This was when my emotions took over. I started to tear as I heard each sound from the drums. Each beat matched the rhythm of my heart and the sound of home that was taken from my ancestors.

It was at that very moment, whilst listening to the beat of my culture, I realized that I was destined to be there! My path led me there! The purpose of the shoot was not for me to realize my dream of being a model. The purpose of the shoot was to become richer from God’s natural resources, to connect with nature and other beautiful souls. I knew that no matter what, I would definitely take something from this experience.

History begins with yesterday and it is up to me to make sure that I incorporated what I know about my Caribbean culture and recreate my Afro-Caribbean culture.  My future family will remain grounded and will be knowledgeable about their culture. I will provide them with a platform to be creative and expressive.

As they were kidnapped and brought to the Americas, my ancestors were told not to sing their songs or beat their drums. They were programmed to believe that everything about their culture, appearance, and language was dreadful, unattractive, and uncanny. They were stripped of it all and forced to forget everything about their history. Fortunately, I live in a time where we are proclaiming our song and beating our drums again! I will recreate the culture that was stripped from me and study the history that was hidden from me. I will sing my song and move to rhythm of the drums.  And our history – African history – this planet’s deep history will thrive!

So it is. Ase.