Metta – Loving-kindness

 

It hit me all at once. A domino effect of emotions flowing through my entire system. I can feel the process of death happening within. Metaphysically speaking of course. The Self I knew and was attached to was dying. A rebirth was taking place. Partially by a Universal force and partially by my own awareness. 

Prior to my trip to Tulum, my mind and body felt off. Once I returned I got really ill. An illness that lasted a month! In and out of the hospital. With no answers. Just test after test. (Currently, looking deeper into why there’s free fluid outside of where it should be in my pelvic area). 

In the midst of feeling ill, I had to pack and leave my sacred space. My sanctuary. My home. Packing and leaving took a toll on me. More than I realized it would. All I kept thinking about was all I could not control. Wishing I was better. Wishing I was still “home”. Wishing I can sleep well. Wishing, Wishing, wishing. This created so much struggle within. Soon I realized that home truly and literally is where the heart lives. But, I can’t lie, I’m going to miss shooting my videos in that amazing foyer! IJS…Lol!

Self-acceptance ||

The greatest gift I gave myself during this time was the space to love myself exactly where I was. In my suffering. I accepted myself right in the middle of my pain. Purging when I needed to and giving so much love to my heart. I meditated deeper. Practiced Qi Gong. Exercised a little. Smiled. And, most importantly, I appreciated every moment the Creator gifted me with. 

One of the mediation practices that helped me (and is still helping me) was Metta Meditation (also known as Metta Bhavana).

Metta means love (in a non-romantic way). It also means benevolence, good will, friendliness and kindness. Hence, loving-kindness. Metta derives from the Pali word friend. Bhavana usually mean meditation, cultivation, or development. I will explain more about Metta Bhavana in a later post. 

Here’s a simple Metta mantra I would mindfully send to myself:

May I be filled with loving-kindness.

May I be well in mind and body.

May I be free from all internal and external harm.

May I be at ease and at peace.

I would repeat this to myself and then say these words mindfully towards a loved one, someone who hurt me, a stranger and the Earth.

Thank you for reading. May you be well in mind and body. Filled with loving-kindness, at ease, peaceful and free from all internal and external harm.

Asé

Intuitive Healing

Confusion turned to clarity
Finally, I stopped blaming me
There’s duality to everything once I stopped playing victim
And looked at both ends of the spectrum
I can’t really say that I found beauty in this tragedy
All I can do is heal and remember to breathe

To my partner, thank you
for being my strength when I felt weak
blessed to have you by my side the whole way through

 

The signs were so similar; cramping, lower back pain, and bloating. I was just waiting for my cycle to come.  I  would constantly check my period app and thought,“I’m not that late.”  There were so many occurrences happening at once. I was working my 9-5, teaching my Mat Pilates class, studying for another certification, and training my client.  I was so oblivious to the thought of being pregnant. Then I started craving meat! I wanted jerk chicken, curry goat, and shrimp – fried shrimp, jerk shrimp, shrimp scampi – I wanted everything that was out of my diet! I was no longer fitting into my bras (which by the way I enjoyed very much) and blamed my water system for making me feel nauseous. I never thought, or maybe, I didn’t want to believe that there was a possibility that I could be pregnant.

One day during my lunch break, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I live walking distance from my job and conveniently near a pharmacy. I went home and followed the directions that came with the test accordingly. Those 30 seconds felt like eternity! Then, what looked like magic, appeared two lines on the stick. I cried. I cried because I was scared AF! A baby?! How?! I mean we all know how, but throughout my entire relationship we have always been so careful. I guess I should take out that “so”.

Why did this happen now during this very moment where I would be making a huge transformation in my life? The thought of having a baby was no where near my radar. There was not one ounce of baby fever floating inside of me. One minute I thought my career was over and the next I thought how my little bundle of joy would be my motivation to work even harder. Literally those thoughts enter my mind and left once I realized I had 10 minutes to get back to work.

I went to the doctor a couple of days after finding out about my shocking news.  I think deep down inside I needed extra confirmation and I was a bit concern about the cramping and spotting I have been experiencing. The doctor gave me a sonogram and a heart beat was there. I was able to see this white colored peanut shape on the black screen. Being present in the moment, I smiled and placed my hand over my stomach. I couldn’t stop looking at my confirmation on the screen. There was actually something growing inside of me! They also checked my hCG levels and told me I had to retest my levels two days after. I did just that. On that day, however, clouds hovered over me. My levels were not only lower than where it should be at 9 weeks but were also dropping instead of doubling up. I retested two more times and was diagnosed with threatened miscarriage or threatened abortion. I immediately started to blame myself and believed that my thoughts about not being ready for this pregnancy caused us to go through this unfortunate situation.  It felt like each day I was losing more of my pregnancy symptoms. All I wanted was for my symptoms to stay. I was put on pelvic bed rest and did my best to take it easy… but it wasn’t enough.

I remember the day being very cloudy. Snow started falling while I was making my way back home. Everything around me sounded as if I was under water; mumbles I guess. I felt empty. I was tired. I was hungry. I was upset. I was sad. I was numbed. I went straight into the shower as soon as I entered my apartment. I took off my clothes, turned on the water and stepped into the tub.  I grabbed my soap and began to wash my body.  Once I reached my stomach, it felt like I stopped breathing. I think I almost did. It felt like my chest was shriveling up like a raisin. “Breathe. Please Breathe.”  There was nothing there. There was nothing inside of my tummy anymore.  I made it to 11 weeks and 3 days.

The doctors pointed out that I had a few fibroids inside and around my uterus. Again, I started to blame myself. “had I just changed my diet sooner.”, “I should’ve taken the test sooner, I could have avoided all the internal stresses.”, “if I knew sooner I could have started prenatal care earlier.” and many more mental punches.

But time allowed me to heal.

I feel better and I’m on a mission to shrink these fibroids holistically. I’m not sure what caused me to have these complications. I do know that I want to create a healthier environment for my next pregnancy. I want to be well within. And I will be. They say things happen for a reason and I’m pretty sure I know my reasons for this experience.

To all the women who have experienced a pregnancy loss, I send you love and positive vibes. To all the men who were by their woman’s side, you are very much appreciated.

 

Love + Light

DS

When Trigger Hits│Fighting Depression

No, not again.  I can feel it. The trigger. I was doing so well. What happened? Okay, think about all of your blessings. Practice gratitude. You got this Dom. You got this. You…

I usually run into the bathroom at work before the tears begin to travel down my cheeks. This feeling always finds a way to sneak up on me. I absolutely hate this feeling.  The feeling of confusion, fear, and defeat.  Caused by over-thinking and the lack of patience. Leading to anxiety and panic attacks. Then, I am left with guilt for feeling this feeling in the first place. This is what goes on in my mind. This is the cause of the dis-ease in my temple.  And what annoys me the most, is the fact that I know I have the power to control it.

I suffer from depression. I hate saying that word. I feel like every time I say it or think it, I am giving it power to control me. So many times I feel powerless. When depression hits, I am unable to get out of bed to do the things I love or just be present. Thinking and not living. One trigger comes from work. I am not working in a place where I love or simply enjoy what I do. I spend most of my days in a place I actually hate. Wait… strong word. I spend most of my days in a place I strongly dislike. I am not learning skills or progressing in any areas I need for the things I want to do with my life. I never saw this happening. However, I do not regret my current situation because it is all part of my process to becoming (or reawakening to) the person I am meant to be. I take accountability for my choices because at the end of the day, the Universe gave me what I ASKED for. I was chasing money and benefits and I got just that. I am grateful for it and know there are others that would love to be in my shoes. However, at the end of the day I pushed my passion to the side.  I am a creator and stopped creating. I believed that a 9-5 would bring an easier life (which it did for me) but it didn’t give me a happier life. I realized that, for years, I have been seeking relative happiness instead of ABSOLUTE happiness. The happiness you find within. Therefore, I am thankful for this process for reminding me how important living is. How important passion is. How important it is to feed your soul.

Mental illness is a topic that continues to surface on my timeline every day. I know that I am not alone. However, knowing that doesn’t make me happy either. What I want is to be part of the solution that leads to the end of mental illness, holistically. I know that ultimately we have to work within. However, another trigger comes from what I see happening all over the world. I can’t even turn on the news anymore. It feels like I absorb so much energy from what I see and it’s overwhelming.  I want to do more to help. I know that one day I will be able to help. I want to heal other beautiful souls, help build a stronger and more unified community. But first, I must heal myself. Which I have been doing. I have been using various tools from my journey starting in my late 20’s. Focusing deeply on my spirituality (without my strong connection to God, I really don’t know where I would be right now). One of the mechanisms I use to help me during my moments of depression, is reminding myself that my current situation is not the end-all-be-all. I have to remind myself to see the bigger picture.  I have to remind myself to stay focused, be patient, and never forget to be present. I know it’s a work in progress. Life is a work in progress.  I’m a work in progress. I am ever-changing. Always evolving. I am in my cocoon right now and I accept this fragment of my life.

I am journeying to find my soul again and I have been doing better. Doing things I want to do without seeking outside validation. I am learning to listen within. I will continue to learn the universal language so I can better communicate with God and my ancestors. I am learning to trust my process.  I am learning to breathe.  I am learning to be more courageous and less fearful. I am learning to accept me. All of me. I am learning to let go of habits that create the same patterns that lead to self-destruction. I am on a journey of self-evolution.  It’s uncomfortable and lonely at times, but very necessary.  I don’t know exactly where I will be in the future, but I know exactly where I DON’T want to be right now. I know soon it will be time for me to move on. When I do, I pray that I will be completely guided and protected.

I want to be more transparent with you and myself. It’s hard to share this because I have always been strong, never showed weakness. However, I am learning that there is strength in vulnerability. To be open to your own truth. Self-realization is a big important step towards healing. I’m learning how to be in a relationship with myself and love myself to the fullest so I can be a better servant to the world. And together, if we help one another, the possibilities are endless. The future is bright. We can reawaken and ignite the power we hold within.

Love + Light

DS

Happy Earth Strong to Me

What a blessing!  I turned 31 yesterday!  I appreciate the gift of life. My life. And, what a journey it has been thus far.  When I was little, I remember believing that my 16^th birthday would be a huge deal (I was “becoming a young woman”- my mom would say).  My 18^th birthday was all about my adventure in entering a new world which was college.  My 21^st birthday was the beginning of the “turn up” journey and my 30^th birthday would be the beginning of a new chapter.  A chapter in what I would like to title as “Adulting”.  This year, for my 31^st birthday, I wanted to reflect on my life.  I realized that I have been obsessed with finding happiness, love, and being the best spirit I can be while living in my body.  I appreciate all facets of my journey, those I can share it with and Mother Earth for providing me a place to live: physically and spiritually.  In honor of my 31^st birthday, and as a gift to myself, I wanted to write down 31 lessons/advice that I will take with me during this new chapter and use them as a life road map.

1. Live unapologetically. It’s okay to love yourself and put yourself first. Spending your whole life as a people pleaser and sacrificing your happiness can be detrimental to your soul.  This is not to say sacrificing is bad.  However, find a balance to avoid neglecting your own happiness.
2. Your mind is a powerful tool that you actually have the power to control. Depending on what you feed your mind, it will create your subconscious belief which, in turn, will shape your reality. What will you feed your mind?
3. It’s okay to give your mind a break. Overthinking can cause you to drive yourself insane! Set time aside a day to sit in silence. Relax the mind and reenergize your soul.
4. We are all given gifts. Find out what it is and nurture it.
5. Time-management is a great skill. Having discipline in this area can not only help you accomplish your goals, but it also helps balance your professional and personal life.
6. Before thinking about being in a relationship with someone else, make sure to be in a relationship with yourself first. Love yourself. Be comfortable with being alone and learn how to take care of yourself.  There are three levels of wisdom in relationships with yourself and others: dependence, independence, and interdependence.  Dependence is the beginning or lower stage.  This is where you depend on your parents/ guardians or other people to nurture you.  You depend on others before deciding anything for yourself.  Independence is where you learn how to take care of yourself. Getting things you need to get done without relying on anyone else. This is the stage where you can “handle yours”.  Interdependence is where you change the “I can” to “we can”.  This is where both individuals can come together, build together, and share their happiness together.
7. “I’m a spiritual being with a dope physical presence and I take care of both to maintain balance in my life” – Dominique Sade. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. It’s important to take care of the soul and it is equally important to take care of your soul’s home: the body.  Make time to workout, meditate, take naps, be creative, connect, etc.
8. “It is not the end of the world until it is actually the end of the world.” – Dominique Sade. Think about how many times you thought you were in the worst position in your life and got through it.  We will continue to experience the pendulum of life and we will continue to GROW through life. That is, if you choose to grow. Through adversity, continue to move forward. If you fall, “fall forward” as Denzel Washington once stated.
9. Do what makes you happy. Ignite the passion within. Vibrate higher and make sure to shine bright.
10. “I know procrastination doesn’t give a damn about me. So why am I still in a relationship with it?” – Dominique Sade. Procrastination leads to anxiety and stress. Just avoid it.
11. Don’t be afraid of change. Change is inevitable. Embrace it and be open to it.
12. Dream BIG. Without dreams we are just walking zombies.  Your dream leads to a goal. A goal leads to a plan and executing that plan shapes your future.
13. Time, financial freedom, and flexibility are the true luxuries of life. Work on a plan to be financially free, invest in your time so you can be flexible with life.
14. Don’t let money control you. Money comes and goes and comes again. What doesn’t come back is time. Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.  Value time not money.
15. Believe in yourself. Be your biggest cheerleader. Self-doubt only causes anxiety and dis-ease to your soul and body.
16. Put in EFFORT in all that you do. Effort cannot be judged by anyone outside of you. Effort is between you and you. When you are not putting in effort and doing your best, you are only disappointing yourself and wasting time. Time, again, is what you cannot get back. Use your time wisely.
17. Don’t ignore the small steps. So often big goals are set which can seem overwhelming. Dissect your big goals into smaller goals and accomplish them one by one. You will be surprised on how much you get done and how you are distracting the mind from overthinking.
18. Fear is created from the uncertainness about the unknown. Remember to be open. Don’t spend time thinking about the worst possible outcome. Instead, enter the unknown with faith. Trust your journey.
19. It is easier to play it safe. It’s also easy to live a routine and convenient life. However, it might not be what the soul wants.  Spirit may have a calling for you and your soul vibrates on its command.  It needs your body to help it reach its full potential.  Listen to your inner voice. Trust your intuition.  It’s all part of growth and there’s no growth in comfortability.
20. It’s okay to say no to things you do not want to do and to other people’s opinion (especially opinions you did not ask for). Kindly say, “no thank you”. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.
21. “The Possibilities of what you can be will never end. So just begin” – Alex Isley. Start with what you have.  Sometimes waiting for the “perfect” time can be rooted in fear.  Or, that “perfect” time may never come. Believe and start.
22. Declutter your mind and environment. Get rid of items and relationships that no longer serves you.
23. Let go of bad habits. Create new and positive habits and experience new results.
24. Surround yourself with dope, creative and motivating souls.
25. Making self-love and self-care a priority will not only benefit you but also others around you.
26. Be kind to others and Mother Earth. Forgive others, say I love you, and help your community.
27. Be Present and be patient.
28. Tap into your creative side. Master your creativity. Express yourself through the arts. Do it for youself without thinking about how much money you can make. Just create from the soul.
29. Outside labels do not define you. Know who you are. Not your name or your label but who you are as a spiritual being. “When you’re feeling overwhelm take some time to love yourself” – Janet Jackson.  Remember to breath. Self-reflect, write in your journal, meditate and return to neutral.
30. Spend time with friends and family. Laugh with them and be present with them.
31. Wake up every day knowing that the sun is up. Life is precious and the best gift given by the Creator.  Connect with the Source, find your balance, vibrate higher and continue to be dope!

This list is tailored to my life however, I hope it can help you with your life. Stay blessed and continue to be the beautiful soul you all are.  Love you all and happy Earth strong to me!

Love + Light

DS

Crystal of the Week | Calcite

I love collecting crystals (and stones) and have used them collectively during my meditation practice.  One day, I decided to go shopping for another crystal.  I had no idea what I wanted, however, as soon as I walked into the crystal store I allowed spirit to guide me.  I was attracted to this crystal with a honey, golden, hue called Calcite.  Calcite is a powerful energy amplifier.  It clears negative energy while removing stagnant energy.  I was so happy to be attracted to this crystal because I have felt immobile in the past and needed something to help motivate me and stimulate the creative juices within.

More information about Calcite –

• Can be placed on the Solar Plexus
• Physically, spiritually, and mentally speeds up growth and development – helping you to reach your divine calling
• Ease emotional stress and combating fear
• Although this crystal can help you relax it also stimulates you to move forward
• Helps attune to the higher mental planes
• Stimulates mental energy
• Promotes creativity
• Can help with channeling, astral traveling, intuition and enhance psychic abilities
• On a metaphysical level, it encourages mental awareness, bringing the physical mind and will together to help you connect with your higher-self.

 

Let me know if you had any experiences with Calcite below!