When Trigger Hits│Fighting Depression

No, not again.  I can feel it. The trigger. I was doing so well. What happened? Okay, think about all of your blessings. Practice gratitude. You got this Dom. You got this. You…

I usually run into the bathroom at work before the tears begin to travel down my cheeks. This feeling always finds a way to sneak up on me. I absolutely hate this feeling.  The feeling of confusion, fear, and defeat.  Caused by over-thinking and the lack of patience. Leading to anxiety and panic attacks. Then, I am left with guilt for feeling this feeling in the first place. This is what goes on in my mind. This is the cause of the dis-ease in my temple.  And what annoys me the most, is the fact that I know I have the power to control it.

I suffer from depression. I hate saying that word. I feel like every time I say it or think it, I am giving it power to control me. So many times I feel powerless. When depression hits, I am unable to get out of bed to do the things I love or just be present. Thinking and not living. One trigger comes from work. I am not working in a place where I love or simply enjoy what I do. I spend most of my days in a place I actually hate. Wait… strong word. I spend most of my days in a place I strongly dislike. I am not learning skills or progressing in any areas I need for the things I want to do with my life. I never saw this happening. However, I do not regret my current situation because it is all part of my process to becoming (or reawakening to) the person I am meant to be. I take accountability for my choices because at the end of the day, the Universe gave me what I ASKED for. I was chasing money and benefits and I got just that. I am grateful for it and know there are others that would love to be in my shoes. However, at the end of the day I pushed my passion to the side.  I am a creator and stopped creating. I believed that a 9-5 would bring an easier life (which it did for me) but it didn’t give me a happier life. I realized that, for years, I have been seeking relative happiness instead of ABSOLUTE happiness. The happiness you find within. Therefore, I am thankful for this process for reminding me how important living is. How important passion is. How important it is to feed your soul.

Mental illness is a topic that continues to surface on my timeline every day. I know that I am not alone. However, knowing that doesn’t make me happy either. What I want is to be part of the solution that leads to the end of mental illness, holistically. I know that ultimately we have to work within. However, another trigger comes from what I see happening all over the world. I can’t even turn on the news anymore. It feels like I absorb so much energy from what I see and it’s overwhelming.  I want to do more to help. I know that one day I will be able to help. I want to heal other beautiful souls, help build a stronger and more unified community. But first, I must heal myself. Which I have been doing. I have been using various tools from my journey starting in my late 20’s. Focusing deeply on my spirituality (without my strong connection to God, I really don’t know where I would be right now). One of the mechanisms I use to help me during my moments of depression, is reminding myself that my current situation is not the end-all-be-all. I have to remind myself to see the bigger picture.  I have to remind myself to stay focused, be patient, and never forget to be present. I know it’s a work in progress. Life is a work in progress.  I’m a work in progress. I am ever-changing. Always evolving. I am in my cocoon right now and I accept this fragment of my life.

I am journeying to find my soul again and I have been doing better. Doing things I want to do without seeking outside validation. I am learning to listen within. I will continue to learn the universal language so I can better communicate with God and my ancestors. I am learning to trust my process.  I am learning to breathe.  I am learning to be more courageous and less fearful. I am learning to accept me. All of me. I am learning to let go of habits that create the same patterns that lead to self-destruction. I am on a journey of self-evolution.  It’s uncomfortable and lonely at times, but very necessary.  I don’t know exactly where I will be in the future, but I know exactly where I DON’T want to be right now. I know soon it will be time for me to move on. When I do, I pray that I will be completely guided and protected.

I want to be more transparent with you and myself. It’s hard to share this because I have always been strong, never showed weakness. However, I am learning that there is strength in vulnerability. To be open to your own truth. Self-realization is a big important step towards healing. I’m learning how to be in a relationship with myself and love myself to the fullest so I can be a better servant to the world. And together, if we help one another, the possibilities are endless. The future is bright. We can reawaken and ignite the power we hold within.

Love + Light

DS

Crystal Spotlight│Garnet

I’ve been vibing with this beautiful stone all month.  Garnet is a root chakra stone and can also be associated with the heart chakra.  Garnet is also my birthstone so it was only right to spend some quality time with it! Below is a list of special properties associated with Garnet.

• Energy booster
• Protective energy
• Grounding
• Enhances positive emotions
• Love and passion
• Helps with depression
• Build creativity
• Stimulate the sense

How I used this stone

• During my meditation – I would set my intention on how I want the stone to help me
• Placed near my bed at night
• Placed on my alter so the energy can float around my apartment
• Carried it around in my purse

What are your experiences with Garnet? Let me know below!

Happy Earth Strong to Me

What a blessing!  I turned 31 yesterday!  I appreciate the gift of life. My life. And, what a journey it has been thus far.  When I was little, I remember believing that my 16^th birthday would be a huge deal (I was “becoming a young woman”- my mom would say).  My 18^th birthday was all about my adventure in entering a new world which was college.  My 21^st birthday was the beginning of the “turn up” journey and my 30^th birthday would be the beginning of a new chapter.  A chapter in what I would like to title as “Adulting”.  This year, for my 31^st birthday, I wanted to reflect on my life.  I realized that I have been obsessed with finding happiness, love, and being the best spirit I can be while living in my body.  I appreciate all facets of my journey, those I can share it with and Mother Earth for providing me a place to live: physically and spiritually.  In honor of my 31^st birthday, and as a gift to myself, I wanted to write down 31 lessons/advice that I will take with me during this new chapter and use them as a life road map.

1. Live unapologetically. It’s okay to love yourself and put yourself first. Spending your whole life as a people pleaser and sacrificing your happiness can be detrimental to your soul.  This is not to say sacrificing is bad.  However, find a balance to avoid neglecting your own happiness.
2. Your mind is a powerful tool that you actually have the power to control. Depending on what you feed your mind, it will create your subconscious belief which, in turn, will shape your reality. What will you feed your mind?
3. It’s okay to give your mind a break. Overthinking can cause you to drive yourself insane! Set time aside a day to sit in silence. Relax the mind and reenergize your soul.
4. We are all given gifts. Find out what it is and nurture it.
5. Time-management is a great skill. Having discipline in this area can not only help you accomplish your goals, but it also helps balance your professional and personal life.
6. Before thinking about being in a relationship with someone else, make sure to be in a relationship with yourself first. Love yourself. Be comfortable with being alone and learn how to take care of yourself.  There are three levels of wisdom in relationships with yourself and others: dependence, independence, and interdependence.  Dependence is the beginning or lower stage.  This is where you depend on your parents/ guardians or other people to nurture you.  You depend on others before deciding anything for yourself.  Independence is where you learn how to take care of yourself. Getting things you need to get done without relying on anyone else. This is the stage where you can “handle yours”.  Interdependence is where you change the “I can” to “we can”.  This is where both individuals can come together, build together, and share their happiness together.
7. “I’m a spiritual being with a dope physical presence and I take care of both to maintain balance in my life” – Dominique Sade. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. It’s important to take care of the soul and it is equally important to take care of your soul’s home: the body.  Make time to workout, meditate, take naps, be creative, connect, etc.
8. “It is not the end of the world until it is actually the end of the world.” – Dominique Sade. Think about how many times you thought you were in the worst position in your life and got through it.  We will continue to experience the pendulum of life and we will continue to GROW through life. That is, if you choose to grow. Through adversity, continue to move forward. If you fall, “fall forward” as Denzel Washington once stated.
9. Do what makes you happy. Ignite the passion within. Vibrate higher and make sure to shine bright.
10. “I know procrastination doesn’t give a damn about me. So why am I still in a relationship with it?” – Dominique Sade. Procrastination leads to anxiety and stress. Just avoid it.
11. Don’t be afraid of change. Change is inevitable. Embrace it and be open to it.
12. Dream BIG. Without dreams we are just walking zombies.  Your dream leads to a goal. A goal leads to a plan and executing that plan shapes your future.
13. Time, financial freedom, and flexibility are the true luxuries of life. Work on a plan to be financially free, invest in your time so you can be flexible with life.
14. Don’t let money control you. Money comes and goes and comes again. What doesn’t come back is time. Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.  Value time not money.
15. Believe in yourself. Be your biggest cheerleader. Self-doubt only causes anxiety and dis-ease to your soul and body.
16. Put in EFFORT in all that you do. Effort cannot be judged by anyone outside of you. Effort is between you and you. When you are not putting in effort and doing your best, you are only disappointing yourself and wasting time. Time, again, is what you cannot get back. Use your time wisely.
17. Don’t ignore the small steps. So often big goals are set which can seem overwhelming. Dissect your big goals into smaller goals and accomplish them one by one. You will be surprised on how much you get done and how you are distracting the mind from overthinking.
18. Fear is created from the uncertainness about the unknown. Remember to be open. Don’t spend time thinking about the worst possible outcome. Instead, enter the unknown with faith. Trust your journey.
19. It is easier to play it safe. It’s also easy to live a routine and convenient life. However, it might not be what the soul wants.  Spirit may have a calling for you and your soul vibrates on its command.  It needs your body to help it reach its full potential.  Listen to your inner voice. Trust your intuition.  It’s all part of growth and there’s no growth in comfortability.
20. It’s okay to say no to things you do not want to do and to other people’s opinion (especially opinions you did not ask for). Kindly say, “no thank you”. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.
21. “The Possibilities of what you can be will never end. So just begin” – Alex Isley. Start with what you have.  Sometimes waiting for the “perfect” time can be rooted in fear.  Or, that “perfect” time may never come. Believe and start.
22. Declutter your mind and environment. Get rid of items and relationships that no longer serves you.
23. Let go of bad habits. Create new and positive habits and experience new results.
24. Surround yourself with dope, creative and motivating souls.
25. Making self-love and self-care a priority will not only benefit you but also others around you.
26. Be kind to others and Mother Earth. Forgive others, say I love you, and help your community.
27. Be Present and be patient.
28. Tap into your creative side. Master your creativity. Express yourself through the arts. Do it for youself without thinking about how much money you can make. Just create from the soul.
29. Outside labels do not define you. Know who you are. Not your name or your label but who you are as a spiritual being. “When you’re feeling overwhelm take some time to love yourself” – Janet Jackson.  Remember to breath. Self-reflect, write in your journal, meditate and return to neutral.
30. Spend time with friends and family. Laugh with them and be present with them.
31. Wake up every day knowing that the sun is up. Life is precious and the best gift given by the Creator.  Connect with the Source, find your balance, vibrate higher and continue to be dope!

This list is tailored to my life however, I hope it can help you with your life. Stay blessed and continue to be the beautiful soul you all are.  Love you all and happy Earth strong to me!

Love + Light

DS

5-Minute Morning Gratitude Practice

Hello Beautiful Souls!  What is the first thing you do when you wake up?  Do you grab your phone? Check your emails? Or, scroll through social media? Although these actions have become a habit for most of us, taking at least five minutes to center yourself can mean a big difference between a clear, focused, uplifted spirit and an over-active, flustered and cluttered brain. Below is a gentle sequence you can practice to help awaken your senses, loosen up tight muscles, set intentions, and mentally prepare you for the day with grace and acceptance.

Before you begin, remember that inhale and exhale is equivalent to one full breath. Breathing full breaths through every posture is key. Remain in each asana for 5-10 full breaths. With each breath, feel the sensation flowing through your body, while keeping your face relaxed, and gently flow into the next asana.

Gyan Mudra /Mudra of Knowledge
Mudra Hand Prayer – Thumb positioned between my brows to activate my Third EyeCat CowThread the NeedleSeated Back Twist
Cross-Legged Reverse PlankExtended Child Pose

Do you have a morning routine?  If so, feel free to share in the comments below!

I Want More

why do you keep knocking on my mental door?

leave me alone

and let me go

i want to know

what is life like without you?

i asked to be purged

from you and your friends

get out of my system

i want more and you can’t seem

to help me

you serve no purpose in my life

other than to hold me back

let me go

let me breathe

let me free

-breaking up with fear – Dominique Sade

***

I imagine myself waking up and starting my day with my music, meditation, tea, writing, workout and yoga (not in any stringent order but you get the point!). Then I’d go off to instruct my yoga or fitness class.  I imagine myself making a difference and helping others towards a healthier path: mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.  I have a plethora of projects and workshop ideas for my community.  And for those who know me, I still want to design, and I will.  I want to live in a creative space, creatively creating lol.  In all seriousness, I don’t want to feel compelled to stay at my corporate job because of everyone else’s views on keeping a job.  I know a “good job” is hard to come by, however, should I let it stop me from taking that leap of faith?  How will I ever know how high I can fly if I’m trapped in this figurative cage of social constraints?  Bills, marriage, kids, health care, family, relationship, normalcy: the labels of the bars that, although some are what I want (or think I want) in my future, are holding me back from reaching my greatest potential.  Or, could I be overthinking?  I was told, “Have patience” (…working on that), or “Have faith and everything will fall into place.”   But, what is faith without work?  At the same time, I don’t know how long I can stay physically locked up.  I am beginning to change the way I think.  I know the universe is listening.  Once I put my mind to something; once I see it and believe it, it already belongs to me. Once I change or (how I like to put it) grow, I wonder if I would lose the ones I love along the way…